hi friends.

i finally got off my lazy toosh and decided to participate. i love you all so much i don’t know why i waited so long to get involved. (i really didn’t have time) and still don’t but will try my best to fill you all in on some fun.

G n I have this really fantastic apartment on 18th and Valencia.. i wouldn’t trade it for the world. (futon + YOU = FUN) We’ve been talking lately about skipping into another town, someday soon, in the “near” future. LA or NY… here we come?

Jobs going great. Friends are TOO much fun. The city is slow but does not cease to entertain. I am wrestless as i haven’t lived anywhere this long in 2 years or so…Dad’s 64,… I will be 23! For those that reside in the area,… please do join me for dinner, not to celebrate my birthday but to enjoy eachothers company! PAH leeezz. Little Star Pizza is what I am thinking!

Wrestless.. taking ideas…. Thank you.

Question the utility

I don’t see any models of behavior - any people - that I’d like to emulate, so why should I change? I’d be better off just being myself.

I’ve used that to justify a lot of things in my life. That thinly veiled narcissistic bullshit cocooned me in a safe preadolescent bubble; but perhaps its greatest crime was that it kept me away from what I desperately needed. But hey… people spend their entire lives futilely attempting to fill a spiritual void with relationships and material consumption. I can’t be too hard on myself for partially abstaining. And choosing the road less traveled provided me with powerfully self-fulfilling insight regarding the meaning of life and the nature of that void we all desperately attempt to fill. (Or, at the very least, it provided me with a wacky philosophy to toy around with)

My [abridged] creation story (so far):

There is a prime mover - a father - from which all existence emanates. Creation involves the cyclical expansion and contraction of the father’s spiritual light which animates all life. At the dawn of the cycle, the first act of the father is the invocation of mom… the origin and creator all life and the greatest comprehensible deity. As the creation cycle continues life moves away from mom; but as the cycle concludes it ultimately returns to where it originated.

Within this cyclical process, Earth was designed as an intermediate point where life can return towards the source. To accomplish this, the experiences of life on Earth are designed to purify action, which is the product of thought. Once life reaches a requisite level of spiritual growth on Earth it continues on to another the other realm, where thought is more directly purified. In this realm, action becomes irrelevant as one’s emotional and psychological state dictates the physical nature of existence. This is the afterlife. If a human has reached a sufficient level of spiritual growth, he (or she) will continue on to the other realm. If not, the human will be reincarnated. Additionally, just as the individual undergoes this process of spiritual development and advancement, so does all of humanity (and life on earth). And we are currently transitional period; a transition that will culminate with the emergence of a being from the other realm - the androgynous human.

With mom’s help we live, we learn, and we grow.

I can elaborate further on all of this, probably much more than anyone will care to listen. I just wanted to write something down, as I have thought about all of this far too much. And I’m sure most of you are thinking that I’m totally nuts… but really, this narrative is primarily an amalgam of the philosophies of Neolithic Europe, Hinduism, Christian Gnosticism, and the Kabbalah. I guess that doesn’t mean I’m not nuts, but at least, regarding much of the material, I have (or had) some company.

Where we’re going

Strange, how we find happiness in a world so empty; how we uncover sadness in a world brimming with joy.

Whomever we meet, wherever we go, we seem to carry with us this innate ability to establish an emotional equilibrium. No place can be so nightmarish that it stripped of light, nor can our wildest fantasies, if actualized, be without darkness. There’s something about us - a duality - that is so fundamental that, without it, we cease to be human. Without it, we cease to be alive.

Perhaps it goes even farther than that. Upon the completion of a natural cycle - birth, life, death - do we emancipate ourselves from the laws of nature? Do we stop growing, forever fixed in a state eternal joy (or misery?) I simply don’t understand how this could be so. And I refuse to concede that reasoned thought is the curse of some devil. Indeed, popular understandings of heaven and hell and, more broadly, orthodox monotheistic conceptualizations of spirituality, oppose the basic cyclical nature of life.

So, is their nothing beyond this life? Or are we simply reincarnated et infinitum? I don’t believe so. But no matter. Spring won’t mind if we believe winter eternal.